I found this at the thrift store a few weeks ago and finally got around to scanning it in. It’s a vintage bdsm personals magazine from the 80’s - I have a similar mag that I will scan in soon too.

Click each image to see it bigger and better!

The front and back covers.

WARNING - lots of images[so NSFW] after the jump!

MORE AFTER JUMP

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Photos by Daze.

Last July I lost one of my best friends to suicide, another was in a car accident, I was still dealing with the life of being an ex junkie….and on top of this my laptop was stolen by my crackhead and I lost all my money and wallet at the time when I was mugged, I also had my purse with my new ipod etc stolen. It was than I learned that material possessions are so little compared to life.

The purse has been mailed to my parents house with all my cards, [expensive] makeup in it - the ipod was gone but I was just going to give it away. Frog ran into someone who brought my laptop for $50 tonight - I possibly might be able to get back some files that mean a lot to me - pictures of my friend and I before she died, my family vacation in Ireland - though that’s more for my mother than anything. I’ve found closure with my friends death, realizing the happiness she may of found now that she never did in life. My other friend turned out to be someone I didn’t think she was and she broke my heart…not nearly as hard as my friend who died did but close.

Everything comes full circle.

I value being clean of cocaine, and the love I have from my true friends and family. As well as the opportunities and perspectives I have gained through my experiences.

I’m thankful to be able to live in the city of my dreams and to have a future and the ability to leave behind my past.

I just want anyone going through a hard time to know….it always gets better

Always.

Just tough it out.

God bless.

xoxo

Sinead

It’s 3am and I wake up to hear this song. This song was a huge part of my childhood….I can sing the lyrics to this day.
In a way this song always reminds me everything can and will be ok.

 1/2 way through doing my makeup last night:

I spent way too much time individually rhinestoning my face.

I slept till 4 in the afternoon today. I was passed out by 6am….that’s ten straight hours. I usually wake up naturally by noon so I didn’t wake up in time to do stuff I was supposed to do.

I’m going to piss in someones mouth tomorrow.

Trash was all right. I had fun. I didn’t really like anyone there though … lot of b&t tools. Like the guy who I basically told to bugger off after he came up to me and asked if he was too “wall street” for me and than said he was a psychologist and wanted to know why he was getting bad vibes from him.

It was good to see the Trash crew though. I missed them.

I left after I got paid and went on some weird adventure with Neon and crew that I barely remember because I was wasted.

I still have bronchitis. When I laugh it turns into coughing fits.  I’m never smoking again. Not just tobacco. Weed, crack, pcp… nothing never smoking anything again.

I’m also cutting back on my drinking.

Before you know it I’ll be edge again! ha.

Also before you forget how awesome I am here are some pictures from Adult Drawing:

Ugh I feel like shit.

Also Fungi took my spacebar off my computer while I was sleeping….I got it back on but now I have to press it extra hard. Annonying.

I really need to get her fixed. She just spent way too much time humping her cat tree.

Also my phone sucks. It does weird stuff where it’ll say someone else is on the phone than whos actually talking. Here’s what was in my text inbox today:

“the subliminal mind receives & remembers all those touches that delight the soul. our soul takes joy in this right touching by the essence ofall experience.”

Thanks Davidan…

Also come see me in DC…

• I spent the morning of the 24 puking for about eight hours straight due to food poisoning. Family came over for dinner and I almost passed out during desert. Awesome!
• My mother gave me a coffee maker. I do not drink coffee[avid tea drinker] but she brought it so that when she comes to my apartment she can drink coffee. Apparently the thing of instant coffee I keep around isn’t good enough. It’s kind of hilarious in  a way I suppose..
• On the other hand I got some ill gifts - a shit ton of nozzles for spray painting from my brother and a le tigre dress I had my eye on and told my mother. The way that thing hugs my body without being revealing - dammmmn girl.
• And my gifts were well loved - I brought my mom an assortment of nice lotions that she would probably kill me if she knew how much I spent on them. Only the best of the best for Mommy though!
• Also Pee Wee Herman - no wonder I’m so fucking gay. GAY GAY GAY. I’m sorry. I’m just loving the word Gay lately. You know what todays secret word of the day is? GAY. You know what you do when I say GAY. SCREAM. GAY AHHHHHH.
• I want to smuggle my parents cat Tippy home because he is so overweight and awesome but every time they catch me bagging him they yell at me. But seriously he’s just like a giant cuddle monster pillow.

I mean really
HOW COULD THAT NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY
Just cont on with it via YouTube - the WHOLE christmas special is there!
Yay!

I started taking nude pictures when I was 16. Because I wanted to and well I had an audience[thank you exboyfriend].

My friends knew of uhh..this ‘habit’ and photoshopped my awesome tits out of one picture.

So yes.

Exhibit A:

Sinead if Sinead was a little boy.

As a child the first two women in music I ever looked up to were Debbie Harry and Gwen Stefani. To this day they have remained worthy role models to me and examples of amazing strong women doing what they want. And you know I’ve been reading a lot about femnism lately and bitches…you know it’s all true.

Anyways two videos from these ladies that I still relate to:

New by No Doubt….As a babe[young and virgin 14] this is what I saw NYC clublife as. And I still have moments where I see it as this despite the fact I’ve seen a lot. As this exciting fucking world and going nuts on the dance floor and look gorgeous and …. the best thing ever giving a EFF YOU to door people.
But man, this totally made me want to find parties like this and I didn’t understand why in my town nobody got it and why keggers totally sucked except for dealing drugs.
Totally bomb parties and dance floor freakouts for life.
Oh a total sidenote but I think Gwen is an amazing example of someone balancing career and family and not fucking up major. There are so mny awful people in the media for girls to look jup to - I mean really what if kids grow up thinking that the way Spears mothers is ok…

This isn’t a music video - something different I suppose - but I love it none the less. My father introduced me to Blondie as a kid and I think he always secretly hoped his kid would turn out with a simmial attiude. I remember long drives screaming a long to ‘Call Me’ with him. Also there are countless amazing interviews with Ms. Harry out right now - I high encourage picking up BUST or Venus and checking them out.

And as nerdy as it is - I used to fucking love dancing in my bedroom by myself to Atomic and the first time I go go and it came on I WAS SO FUCKING STOKED. All right dudes. I’m like really nerdy. That and Rapture. In fact I’m go-go-ing Riffi this Friday and they’re def play one or the other so come by. And watch me nerd out WHILE GO GO ING. How insane is that.

Such beautiful women.

All right I’m out. Had a bomb time at 205 last night.
And I totally just took a picture of Wolfs ass while he was sleeping. Also enjoy the spelling mistakes on this because I’m still kind of drunk.

- Why do I get so many myspace friend requests from DJs in LA? Where are all of you finding me? I don’t live in LA! Weird. Honestly all my friend requests are LA DJS, underage girls or old men. What does this mean?

- Saturdays suck. I overslept and had anxiety attack today. Had lunch with Laura and came home to cuddle my cat. Overslept again was almost late to work. Now I’m home. Drinking and catching up on Heros while my neighbors blast shitty music. And blogging. This is lame.

- Frog says my blog makes me look like I only have 4 friends: him, Yumna, Fungi and dick. I assure you dear readers….I have more than 4. It’s more like 6 1/2.

- A man streaks through Time Sq and feels its necessary to defend himself by saying I AM NOT A HIPSTER. [full story here] Is streaking a hipster thing? Why are the only naked chicks in Williamsburg shooting porn? Judging by his myspace…I’d say he’s either hipster. Why is the NY post so great? I love how they covered his penis[fun sized or candy bar? we can’t figure it out now!] with an apple!!

- Top ten rap songs white people love.

- I got paid to hand out lollypops at a Haunted House tonight. And I got to go through the haunted house for free. Was pretty rad - I am so fucking jumpy and screamy haha. When I was 11years old I went to a haunted house with my brother, his friends and my dad….I was too scarred to go through so I was waiting outside with my father. A lady was running around with a chainsaw terrorizing people and when she saw my frightened face she smiled and looked me right in the eyes. I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. And just started running as she started advancing and screaming “Come here veal…VEEEEEAAAALLL VEEEEAAAALLL I’m going to get you!!” It was pretty traumatizing and embarrassing all at once. I haven’t eaten veal since.

- I did a porn shoot with Brenda for a graf doc on Friday. Brenda has been shooting porn against graffiti for awhile. The shoot was really awesome and we worked with this great artist - Faro. He paints really dope mummies - the work he did while I was there is on a roof in Williamsburg - you can see it while your going across the bridge. …heres some images:

I hate saturday nights.

x o

Handwritten on the jacket of a journal[black for use with gel pens]:

“Happy 13th Sinead! We hope you like this book. You’ll be famous someday! So do it up right! Love ya, ‘Family members‘“

I’ve written in diaries and journals - online and old school since I was eight years old. I remember writing quite frequently about my neighbor whom I was convinced killed people[trust me it wouldn’t of been that surprising in my neighborhood] at nine. And shit I was all over greatest journal and than live journal in high school.

My parents are moving and thus trying to get rid of any stuff I have at their house. They recently dropped off a load of my yearbooks, cds, artwork and diaries. Been going through it. Shaking my head at the awful demo cds from local bands and laughing at how Plain White Tees hit it big. For some weird reason I kept my Marine Biology Journal from science. I must of been real proud of my manatee research at the time. I just found my original Living in America CD - I remember no one in Mahopac knew about the Sounds and I fucking loved them. I come to NYC and everyone does. Fuck man - I’m so nostalgic right now I’m listening to Saves the Day. Don’t hate. Don’t hate.

Looking back at my art work…I was a weird fucking kid. I mean people think I’m a little weird now but I’ve softened up a bit. I just found a half drawing half collage involving a elderly man praying over his sick wife while she holds a gun. I think this is why kids shouldn’t listen to hardcore. Also the Unicorn painting was pretty weird too. You can’t tell in the picture but in real life the jelly drip is 3D.

Getting back where I started though my diaries are pretty interesting. I wrote about wanting to get laid and getting laid in a way that makes me realize I’m just as horny now as I was the day my mom walked in Joes dick in me. Or that time when I let my girlfriend video tap my boy and I fucking and than giggled as she showed our friends in art class. I had a pretty rough time in high school minus the fun I had getting laid and smoking mad weed. I wasn’t well liked[I got in trouble for being a lesbian and was warned that I needed to overt my glances at a girl….bitch wasn’t even my type], and had something a bit rougher than your normal teen angst.

Anyways some of my diary entries are interesting and I think I might start posting them. At the very least they’re better than the shit book ‘Dear Diary.‘ I also think I should post the awfully wonderfully melodramatic mix I made in high school with my pal Kevin called ‘Songs for Suicidal Tendancies Vol. 1.’ I belive there is a second.

I’m turning 20.

I think 20 is a more meaningful birthday than 21….mostly because being able do anything legally has never met shit to me. But the idea that I’ve been alive two decades and will no longer be a teenager is comforting, and disturbing at the same time.

This year has been rough. I’ve had some really beautiful moments but mostly I’ve found myself in a lot of pain and the realization that things don’t get easier, you just learn to cope.

Sept.9, 2006 started with my amazing birthday party and than finding out a friend had od-ed and was hospitalized. I was still a drug addict, and dated my drug dealer which finally made me reach what I suppose were my lowest lows in being a cocaine addict. I originally tried to quit that December and ended up going strong for two and half weeks before going back. The death of another friend and a binge that ended up in a severe crashing nervous break down finally made me seek rehab. I went to rehab while in school and ended up doing really shitty at school. My favorite professor passed away. Getting clean was like learning how to walk again except I was learning how to live again. It was also paranoia, nervous breakdowns, not being able to sleep and having to cut people out. I relapsed once and it was the most horrible thing in the world - I’m not proud of relapsing but in a way it was important for me as it led me to many realizations and in many ways just another part of my recovery. I dated a guy who didn’t give a shit about me and I mostly felt like his trophy, I loved him or so I thought but eventually I knew he wasn’t good enough for me. He still broke my heart though and I will never date a human of so little character and depth again. A very close friend of mine passed away in July, and still isn’t a day I don’t think of her - losing her was the hardest thing I went though this year. July and August was a lot of misfortune[thefts, roommate not paying rent] and just me trying to make it through the motions.

There’s so much more to this year but to write it all would be a novel.

So this Sunday on Sept.9, 2007 - I’ll be 20.

It feels like thanksgiving as I’m always counting the many ways I’m blessed lately. I guess birthdays in a way are like Thanksgiving, another time to count our good fortunes.

Turning 20 has also made me realize I’m the same person I was at 9yrs old. I suppose ones soul and personality never change only the environment and events around them do.

I have very little idea of what I want for the coming year….good grades, more art, work more consistently and stay clean I suppose. I think I need something more exciting….perhaps I should go to France next summer or something.

I wonder if anyone will read this whole thing. I might delete it. I might not.