I got my hair done. What’d yaaa think?

My boi Patrick did it so if anyone needs the ill hair hook up go to him!

Yumna and I were reunited last night:

We’re reading the chapter in my textbook on finger banging.

How cute are we?

HOW CUTE IS YUMNA:

And everyoneeeee was at my place:

Birthday Party tonight! So Stoked!

I think this song explains how I am in relatinships perfectly:

Exs, currents, future. Take note.

French is harder than I thought, I think I’m brain damaged.
I love buying birthday gifts for people.
Yumna will be here tmr night and my heart is all warm and fuzzy.

awhile. ago.

I’m turning 20.

I think 20 is a more meaningful birthday than 21….mostly because being able do anything legally has never met shit to me. But the idea that I’ve been alive two decades and will no longer be a teenager is comforting, and disturbing at the same time.

This year has been rough. I’ve had some really beautiful moments but mostly I’ve found myself in a lot of pain and the realization that things don’t get easier, you just learn to cope.

Sept.9, 2006 started with my amazing birthday party and than finding out a friend had od-ed and was hospitalized. I was still a drug addict, and dated my drug dealer which finally made me reach what I suppose were my lowest lows in being a cocaine addict. I originally tried to quit that December and ended up going strong for two and half weeks before going back. The death of another friend and a binge that ended up in a severe crashing nervous break down finally made me seek rehab. I went to rehab while in school and ended up doing really shitty at school. My favorite professor passed away. Getting clean was like learning how to walk again except I was learning how to live again. It was also paranoia, nervous breakdowns, not being able to sleep and having to cut people out. I relapsed once and it was the most horrible thing in the world - I’m not proud of relapsing but in a way it was important for me as it led me to many realizations and in many ways just another part of my recovery. I dated a guy who didn’t give a shit about me and I mostly felt like his trophy, I loved him or so I thought but eventually I knew he wasn’t good enough for me. He still broke my heart though and I will never date a human of so little character and depth again. A very close friend of mine passed away in July, and still isn’t a day I don’t think of her - losing her was the hardest thing I went though this year. July and August was a lot of misfortune[thefts, roommate not paying rent] and just me trying to make it through the motions.

There’s so much more to this year but to write it all would be a novel.

So this Sunday on Sept.9, 2007 - I’ll be 20.

It feels like thanksgiving as I’m always counting the many ways I’m blessed lately. I guess birthdays in a way are like Thanksgiving, another time to count our good fortunes.

Turning 20 has also made me realize I’m the same person I was at 9yrs old. I suppose ones soul and personality never change only the environment and events around them do.

I have very little idea of what I want for the coming year….good grades, more art, work more consistently and stay clean I suppose. I think I need something more exciting….perhaps I should go to France next summer or something.

I wonder if anyone will read this whole thing. I might delete it. I might not.

I haven’t updated much as this weekhas been pretty awful for me. I’m tight on funds, my friends all rely on me, it’s stressful, and it’s not easy being the one people turn to when they break up with their hooker girlfriend and get kicked out of their house and need somewhere to go, or just aren’t there. Also stressful my phone breaking, having no ids, and starting school. This movie project I was stoked abut was totally not creative or worth working 9 am - 2 am with a shitty check. Work friday was good for Labor Day though.
And school is awesome. Amazing how much more fun learning is when you don’t do drugs[I’m still clean since people have been asking…]. I’m off academic probation sort of and I’m really excited for all my studies. I’m taking French 1, web design, large format photography, art history, and human sexuality.

French men.
I get off work Friday around 3am and head downtown to Trash and the second I walk in these two things[boy in blue is non-offensive] these two things make eye contact with me. And by eye contact I mean come hither man stare that made me feel like I caught an std. They were kind of lurked me for an hour before I decided to investigate. First things first, what in god names are they wearing? Didn’t this look die a slow painful death at Misshapes two years ago… And they were dirty…like dirt under the nails, you need a shower dirty. They than procceded to try and convince me to after party with them and told me they were in a rock n roll band. They also told me I look like a rockstar[I’m wearing a shirt with a dolphin on it…seriously] and kind of followed me around. So grimey.
I don’t know….weird dudes.
Foreign men are always hitting on me…I don’t mind if you’re hot and have a brain.

I totally just watched My Girl. And cried.
And now I’m in the mood to watch Kids…

clearly this was a shit week.
I’m leaving a lot of details out.

It was my kittys first birthday this weekend!
We just celebrated…the celebration was simmilar to this video: