OH HAY

THANKS FOR BEING AWESOME GUYS

I was a runner up for best go go in NYC in the L magazine. My parents are so proud. Who ever knew I would accomplish so much?

My job was showing this really great erotic artsy porn last night. Totally fucked with me - instead of working I just got horny and watched hot dames finger fuck.

I’m hopefully going to be in a bunch of awesome smut rags and a horror movie or two. Keep your fingers crossed kids.

Insomnia sucks!

I can’t stop watching this:

Makes me so happy.

Panda Bear makes me happy too.

I ordered a shit ton of books on sex work and now I’m broke. Term papers on legal prostitution - AWESOME.

That’ll be $300, sir 

Now that NYC fashion week has come and gone … I would like to offer my current takes on fashion:

1. Pussy Nails

The great thing about wearing cat stickers on your nails are all the really bad jokes you get to make when you finger bang another chick. Pussy - Pussy! The other fun thing is making you nails talk to each other and creating names and personalities for the different cats.

2. Dirty Kicks

Fuck you people and your clean sneakers. I like my sneakers nice and worn in - scuffs and all.

3. Scrunchies

I mean why not? YOUTH IS BEAUTY! And youth = scrunchies. See the above picture….wearing scrunchies = getting FUCKED. Scrunchies FOR THE WIN! Really girls and boys[with that long hair that makes you look almost like a chick]…do yourself a favor and pick them up while they’re cheap at Target - I guarantee they’re the next big thing.

- - - - -

When I dream at night … my dreams are like this + reality + electric candy:

I wonder if I’m the only one who can relate to these movies.

Wasn’t really feeling Hiro on Thursday night untill Frog got on. Had dance time with Daniela and after that things got boring. I ended the night in the backseat of a car being drove around screaming HIT ME HIT ME and fighting back … it was hilarious. I have leopard printed bruises on my ass - they’re beautiful.

The rest of the weekend has been boring and I got some bad news so here are some pictures:

There’s more on Haunternet.com … you have to register - I’m the September girl.

That’s all.

I have recently realized by combining diet pills with this anti seizure medication I’m on[despite the fact I don’t have seizures!] I get this amazing three hour high. It’s not as high as say a weed high, I’d say little bit below it - its perfect for school. It’s amazing. It actually makes FIT slightly more tolerable.

I swear I hate the majority of the student body here[How the fuck can you be an FMM major and not know the definition of couture - HOW HOW], and although the professors and counselors are fucking AMAZING - everyone else that works there is mildly retarded. I swear you can just sit outside this school and laugh at the students the go here. Also no man that attends college here is over 5′9….why? Really? Why? Is there some sort of law? I mean I’d like to have sex in the darkroom more often but like I’d like to have a taller man ya know?

Anyways today in Human Sexuality, I realized I am not like most students. Or most people. In that I am very self aware, honest, very in touch with my sexuality and apparently thats weird. And this all came about while talking about friends with benefits.

Also someone in the class is doing their term paper on diabetes. I don’t think they got the memo that they are in Human Sexuality. Unless they’re writing about fucking with diabetes which I don’t think is that different from fucking without diabetes but what do I know!

Anyones who has talked to me in a watering hole since my birthday knows about VAGINAS OF THE FUTURE. Think about it - we’ve bedazzle everything -ipod, phones, laptops, cars, toasters, your stepmother….it’s all been covered in rhinestones. or swarvorsi crystals depending on the thciness of your wallet.

SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO BEDAZZLE NOW

.

.

.

…

YOUR VAGINAS

VAGINAS OF THE FUTURE!

My girlfriend inspired this but seriously how hot would rhinestone encrusted pussy be?

More on this some other time!

I received a beautiful boquet of flowers today from my Aunt today, they’re beautiful!!! They were for my birthday but I kept ignoring the companies peoples calls because I assumed they just from some annoying ex boyfriend! Finally my mom told me to accept the flowers already they were from my Aunt…..thank god I did they’re absolutely lovely. My Aunt worked really hard to make sure I got really unique gorgeous special work of floral art for my birthday. Awww.

Also take note - I bleached, toned my hair and than cut my bangs. Total upgrade! I look elfish again…therefore I feel more like myself.

I’m still horny by the way. I added to my list of things to do before I die - get fucked in the Chanel dressing room. Does this make me a bad person? Is Coco Chanel rolling in grave right now? Discuss.

Also this is what I’m going to masturbate to tonight:

I’m horny. Like really fucking horny. All the fucking time lately. I swear I caught it from Yumna when she was up here. And it totally sucks because I guess girls aren’t supposed to be horny or if they are they aren’t supposed to admit it much less do anything about it. Unfourtantly I break both those rules.

I just wanna say this blog was ruined by Frog telling me I’m a nympho. Which I think I might have to agree with. Do I need to take meds for that? He completly ruined my train of thought and I ended up doing my hair[its white again and cut my bangs] and making flashcards instead.
And masturbating.
Fuck you Frog.
I’m a slut. But you’re all sluts too.

Lets discuss this:

W T F? ugh whhhhhhhhhhhy did they edit out the gunshots? Her what the fuck look back is classic though! I also approve of the UPS wear.

I wonder she’d do a girl. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Ariel and I going to do a BA movie.

FRIDAY. Work was sooo fucking slow and I was bored so I went to Trash at 1am. Had an awesome time dancing, drinking and conversing. Than my lover Ariel showed up and we ended up ice cubes in each others pussies. It’s a really strange sensation, it’s kind of like being on e without being on drugs. Highly recommended … it kind of made we want to fuck a ice pop but I’m sure thats just a yeast infection waiting to happen. Ariel also pissed in a zip lock bag on the street and gave me a beautiful dolphin ring. We were going to go sex toy shopping at Duane Reed because we wanted to break our big bills. Ariel went poof or maybe I went poof somewhere around this time.

I than spent an hour surveying people about my art project - VAGINAS OF THE FUTURE and FIN FUCK.

Finally the cops came and I left Riffi around 5am. I ran into Gaius on the street and offered him a place to stay and because hailing a cab was unsuccessful we decided to brave the subway. We ran into Richie on the upper level and kind of teased him about being up there, away from the “creeps”. The thing is Richie has the right idea but follows us down into the middle of the platform anyways where this strange man eating chicken proceeds to lurk us hardcore. He than starts throwing the bones at my boys and I got in his face and when the dick had the balls to throw one in my face…it was BABY SINEAD SPIT ATTACK. Apparently my spit is lethal and he man flipped and threw the whole fucking box/bag of chicken in my face right as the train arrives. In an amazing display of teamwork Gaius clocks the guy, Richie and a nice stranger manage to pry the subway doors open and we escape the chicken man. I kind of felt like I was in The Warriors.

SATURDAY Gaius and I eat hot dogs and discussed his upcoming move to LA. I recommend he hang with the porn stars there because honestly people in LA suck IMO. Unless they suck dick. This is my current theory at least. Also I get really grossed out by all the fast food and smog - sorry NYC FTW. Also Gaius is you read this - I STILL HAVE NO WATCHED FLIGHTPLAN sober.

I did a photo shoot for an up and coming alt porn site called Bombshell Brats. The whole time my horny cat was rolling around on the floor attempting to seduce the photographer. My cat is such a fucking slut - it’s so cute. Missy and Sean totally fell in love with my cat and they’re awesome.

Later on was Kathys birthday party. It was totally awesome, there was this huge conversation about Westchester and I met someone who had totally taken my designer drugs[I’m that creative] in high school and knew the true sketchness that is La Cuana aka the gutter bar where I lost my virginity to a gutter punk. I signed the Misshapes book like a yearbook. There was also weed and me being high as a kiteeee. I totally forgot to get a goody bag which sucks! I bet there was magic and rainbows in it.
Than Luvina and I attempted to go to Highland Ballroom except we forgot where it was and went to Hangar Bar instead where I smoked a massive amount of weed. After that was a drunk dial to Frog and 7A where I had the most amazing dish ever - seriously I wish I could remember what is was called. Christine put me in a cab home, and the whole ride the driver was talking about my legs and only charged me $5 for what is normally a $15 cab.

When I woke up today I think I was still stoned and essentially slept all day - was gonna attempt to go to a BBQ but I’m dead.

I can only take so much chicken being thrown at me.

I left work early at 1am last night, it was early but hay I had $400 in string and the fucking flyer for hiro was calling my name. The music was dopeeeee and this dude kept trying to video me dancing and I got all bashful cause I was wearing my baggy going to work incognito clothes..

Around like 3am I went fucking out my face!!! Granted I always do and I’m not going to post the gritty details here but lets just say I did whatever the fuck I wanted. I did a few things that I think were really only hilarious to me and no one else. hahahahahaha I guess when you start drinking at 6 o’clock you can get the way…..oh who am I kidding, I act that way no matter…

In other news, this is my extra tooth:

Amazing right?

It’s like a spare tire or something. If I ever get it taken out, I’m drilling an hole in it, putting it on a string of pearls and giving it Yumna as a symbol of my love for her.

In other news I think I want to make shark porn. I want to paint my body silver and wear a fin and get fucked. I think this could be great, I don’t know if anyone but myself would get off to it but haaaay anyone reading this want to get involved with my crazy art project?

Anyways my cat and I are sharing a bowl of macaroni and cheese - BYE.

It’s 230am why am I still awake in bed listening to house music, contemplating my fucked up love life, contemplating my twenty years, and how much I love my cat.

I’m jaded by relationships with men. They’re boring and predictable. Heres how to get in my pants if your a man: fucking surprise me. I doubt anyone who reads this will be able to do that.

I miss my Yumna. 3:10

College is kind of sucking and kind of not. I like my classes, now that I’m not on drugs and am mentally stable I can go to class and learn which is pretty awesome. Seriously you have to not be able to not be able to learn to really understand just how awesome it is to be able to learn. Yeaaa I was that fucked up on drugs. I just hate going to school, it’s like going to a new high school everyday. I have no friends[for the most part] and I’m really socially awkward. I kind of feel like that girl who lurks around in the Rules of Attraction minus that part where I kill myself or am obsessed with anyone. I’m just awkward and lurky. It rained today so I was awkward and lurky and wet.

I rather hang at home with my cat and read books by myself.

I realized in Art History class today that Roger Camptins interpretation of God looks a lot like Steve Aoki. Than I went to French Class and my brain exploded.

I’m having trouble making my hair look good.

i believe you could be what i need to believe 

My sweet 16 at Trash was fabulous. I had a lot of fun. Dancing, drinking, Burning Angel girls<3<3, making fun, making out, it was great. Thank you to everyone that came. <3

Yumna and I spent Saturday shopping and wandering around Soho and Chinatown. I got a parosel and proceeded to almost accidently maim her with it. I also got real diamond [shaped] earrings. We had dinner with Frog at Phoebes which was soo good. Both of us were too tired to go out.

Sunday I had dinner with Yumna and my parents, brother and his girlfriend. Yumna loves my parents, they love her. We brought my Barbie ice cream cake together and than shared a scandalous hot dog. Partied with my neighbors[sloppy drinkers not drunks….we have a problem getting alchol in our mouths…

And now Yumna flew back into Fl. I’m sad. Bring my gf baaaaack.

 Making up.

Getting there.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH ALREADY!!!!

xo